Who TF Did She Marry? ReesaTeesa and Legion: 7 Reasons Why We Miss Red Flags In Relationships By: Hope Venetta, LCMHCA, NCC

By | Mar 7, 2024

In the rhythm of our relationships, we often encounter what we call “red flags” – those signs that something might not be quite right. Yet, despite our instincts or the advice of those close to us, many of us find ourselves brushing these signals aside, sometimes to our own detriment. But why does this happen? And how can we better recognize and address these warning signs?

RessaTeesa’s story, as shared on the viral TikTok series, sheds light on the reality of red flags in our relationships. Her telling of the experience with her ex-husband, “Legion,” serves as a powerful reminder of how we can overlook warning signs in the pursuit of love and companionship. From financial inconsistencies to deception about his past, what she shared about Legion displayed numerous indicators that all was not as it seemed. Yet, like many of us, RessaTeesa found herself making excuses or ignoring the glaring discrepancies.

So, why do we sometimes miss red flags in our relationships?

1. Desire for Connection and Intimacy: In our quest for connection and closeness, we may overlook warning signs in the early stages of a relationship. The desire to nurture that emotional bond can overshadow any concerns we may have.

2. Fear of Being Alone: For many of us, there’s a deep-seated fear of being alone. This fear can lead us to tolerate behavior that we would otherwise find unacceptable, simply to avoid the discomfort of solitude.

3. Cultural and Societal Pressures: In our communities, there are often societal expectations surrounding relationships and marriage. These expectations can create pressure to maintain the appearance of a happy partnership, even if the reality is far from it.

4. Emotional Investment: As we invest more of ourselves into a relationship, it becomes increasingly difficult to acknowledge red flags. We may convince ourselves that we’ve already invested too much to walk away, or that things will improve over time.

5. Lack of Awareness or Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem or a history of trauma may be more prone to overlooking red flags. They may believe that they don’t deserve better, or that they won’t be able to find someone else who will treat them well.

6. Manipulation and Gaslighting: In some cases, partners may use manipulation tactics like gaslighting to distort reality and justify their behavior. This can make it difficult for us to trust our own judgment and recognize the warning signs.

7. Hope for Change: Optimism can sometimes blind us to the realities of a situation. We may convince ourselves that our partner will change, or that things will improve if we just give them more time or support.

While it’s natural to overlook red flags in relationships, doing so can have serious consequences for our well-being. It’s important to cultivate self-awareness, establish healthy boundaries, and prioritize our own needs and our safety. Seeking support from loved ones or a professional therapist can also provide invaluable guidance as we navigate the complexities of love and relationships. Remember, recognizing and responding to red flags is an act of strength – it’s a testament to our resilience as we strive for relationships that truly nourish and uplift us.

If you need to find a therapist, the Clinicians of Color therapist locator can be a good place to start.

About the Author:

Hope Venetta is a Nationally Certified Counselor with 14 years of experience in the field of mental health continuing education. Currently, Hope serves as an LCMHCA at a private group practice in Durham, NC, where she provides therapy to couples and individuals dealing with a diverse range of presenting issues. You can learn more about Hope at hopevenetta.com/therapy



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