Coping after a miscarriage.

By Lisa Savage | Dec 13, 2021

We all may know someone who has experienced a miscarriage. We’ve heard the news of the tragedy from at least one of friends who knew a friend that knew someone else. Better yet, we may even think, “S/he would be 4 years old today.” Every 4th of July, we remember ‘Today was my due date.’ Was it a boy or girl? I wonder who they would have looked liked.

These are all of the questions and comments women ask themselves and or say each time they may see a pregnant woman, the due date comes around and or the birthday month arrives.

Dealing with a miscarriage is something that some women learn to deal with but the pain may still linger. The bond between a mother and child, for some, happens as soon as the infamous word “pregnant” appears or the smiley face is on the stick. There’s no movement yet, but you may feel a connection. Then the unthinkable happens and there aren’t any more doctor’s appointments, your stomach is growing any longer. Those with whom you were ‘preggo buddies’ with go on to have their children, you celebrate birthdays and wonder at the party: “My baby would be here and around the same age as Nova.”

When dealing with the loss of a child no matter at what stage in the pregnancy there is a strength that comes from within that allows the woman to feel and grieve but still have hope. Some women experience this early on, some later on, all at different stages. During these times it is important to value the time you did have and appreciate the time that was experienced with your child. Yes, it was your child. There may be some people that do not acknowledge life at a young stage but you can. You can think of each detail of your child’s face, of their fine skin or of your growing belly. Whatever brings you peace in that moment, think of it. Visiting the nursery that was ever so delicately planned and decorated may bring a calm to your day. During this time, please note that patience will be needed as well as a strong and healthy support system. There are no set rules and or limits pertaining to miscarriages and still births. The only unspoken rule that needs to be established is that the miscarriage and loss of your unborn child may indeed hurt. Realizing that there will always be a rainbow after every storm is what is important.

4 Tips on coping with miscarriage at any stage:

  1. Find a strong and healthy support system, including a mental health professional;
  2. Realize it’s okay to think healthy thoughts of your unborn child;
  3. Do not blame your miraculous body. Appreciate the purposeful time it had performing a miracle;
  4. Remember there is no set time that can depict when you should ‘be over it’.

If you or someone you know are looking for a counselor to work through this difficult time, please feel free to search our directory of qualified, caring therapists at www.cliniciansofcolor.org.

About The Author
Tichina has completed her Masters of Science Degree in Clinical Mental
Health Counseling and will become a licensed professional counselor. With the
urge to continue her passion for helping other females rise, she became an author
of her debut literary piece Girl Determined, an e-book/workbook encompassing
behavioral techniques and mindfulness coloring for the reader. Tichina
will be beginning a new chapter as she starts her journey in obtaining her PhD in
Philosophy with a concentration in Advancement in Human Behavior in Winter
2022.

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Lisa Savage

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